September 10, 2023

 We have the rummage sale coming up.  I am aware of how such events can affect a community.  It is easy to have a misunderstanding or for people to wear themselves out or have differences of opinion.  So I immediately said, “Let’s make this as simple as possible and no one is allowed to get mad.”  What I should have said was, “No one is allowed to harbor anger or hurt feelings.”  We come to church and we project “nice.”  We greet each other.  We include each other.  We make pleasant conversation.  And then we have a rummage sale or another situation that takes us out of our usual roles.

 Fortunately, church can be a good place to practice binding and loosing.  We are one body.  We belong to each other.  We need each other.  We don’t need superficial relationships that are nice.  We need good communication.  We need to be able to work things out when something unexpected or painful happens.  But we all come from different backgrounds and we all learned different ways of dealing with our differences.

The reading from Ezekiel doesn’t lay out what the house of Israel has done, but God is heartbroken and angry because they’ve broken their relationship with God. If you read the book of Ezekiel, you can see that Israel has worshipped other Gods and not followed God’s commandments. Israel has ignored the widows and orphans and not cared for the poor. God is letting Israel know that God is displeased, hoping that they will listen and change their ways. Of course they keep right on the same path, despite all warnings and eventually are taken as slaves into Babylon and the temple destroyed.

Paul writes the Roman Christians who argue and can’t agree on much of anything. He gives some examples of what happens when love breaks down: Adultery, murder, theft, envy, reveling and drunkenness, debauchery and licentiousness, quarreling and jealousy. “Why can’t we all just get along?!” Instead he tells them to put on the armor of light and to put on Jesus Christ—to put on love, compassion, justice and so on.

Now isn’t it too bad that we’ve now found a community of peace and we never disagree so we can’t use these words of Jesus anymore? Sometimes churches pretend to be places of peace when they aren’t or we pretend to agree with someone when we don’t. I’ve been guilty of it plenty of times before, too. It is a fine line between putting a good spin on something someone does or says and shoving it aside while still holding anger deep down inside that someday is going to need to get out.
Martin Luther reminded us to put a good spin on other people’s “bad” behavior. We can say to ourselves, “They are just having a bad day,” or “They must be driving like that because they are trying to get to a hospital in a hurry,” or “They didn’t really mean that.” But thinking the best of others can become a game of make-believe that as time goes on and these encounters stack up, we may not be able to play so easily anymore. To love is not only to think the best of others, but to build relationship with that person, to go to them and apologize for unkind thoughts, to find out what is going on with them. It becomes easier to be kind and compassionate when we learn what people are really going through and share our feelings with them before they are bottled up so long that they start leaking out in gossip or passive aggressive behavior. There is another scripture that says “Live peaceably with all, so far as it depends on you” Romans 12:18. There are times when you try to make peace and build relationships with those you disagree with and they won’t participate. The way to love in that instance has to be to let them go and let it go, maybe until the timing is better or maybe forever.

Especially at church we tend to gloss over our differences and pretend that we all get along, but is that really love? We want people to like us. I want people to think that I am a nice pastor so they will come to me with their troubles and concerns and trust me to be there with them in their time of crisis. Don’t we want a nice Jesus to tell us what we want to hear, that we’re doing mostly ok and just keep up the good work? Maybe not. Do we really want to pretend to be at peace than deal with conflicts out in the open?  Is that a sustainable practice?

In church, we can have fake relationships and gloss over our differences, put on a smile when someone hurts our feelings, hold our judgments deep inside hoping the other person will change. Or we can love. I think this is one of the major complaints that outsiders have about church—people aren’t real with each other. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can engage each other and learn their point of view. We can look for our own responsibility within the situation. We can ask ourselves, “What am I doing to contribute to this problem and what can I do to be part of the solution.” We can take responsibility for our own feelings rather than believing that someone else made us feel that way. We go to someone and say, “You really puzzle me sometimes, I’d like to know you better. Would you like to have lunch?” We can go to someone and say we’re sorry or that there is something we don’t understand in their words or actions. If both people are willing to face the conflict or misunderstanding, love can blossom that makes for deep friendships that can withstand anything.

As the body of Christ, our unity can’t be based on what we agree on, because we will always disagree and have different opinions. It has to be based on love, relationship, compassion, because that is the only thing that lasts. It has to based in love, because God is love and God must be the basis for everything we do as the body of Christ.
Sometimes out of love for ourselves or someone else, we just have to be done.  We can forgive the sin or trespass and not let it eat at us and we can still hold that person accountable.  The church has sometimes perpetuated abuse using this exact scripture—saying a person has to forgive or has to face their abuser and try to talk it out.  We have to be clear that in situations of violence and situations where there is a big difference in power, Matthew’s method isn’t going to work.  In some situations, something is bound or locked for protection of the little ones, for abundant life to flourish.  And some people have left the church entirely because of the abuse they have suffered there and not only sexual abuse, but abuse of power, demeaning and belittling, and hurting people.  That’s justified, that they go for their own well-being.  The church is a broken institution and must be held accountable and learn from the ways we have failed people.

Church can be a place of profound brokenness.  God is there where 2 or more people are gathered in God’s name, praising God and being loving and where 2 or more people are disagreeing.  The church can also be a place of profound growth and new life. Many of you have set a good example for me. Here are some ideas I’ve noticed you trying for carrying this idea out.  For instance as we have changed the way we serve communion some of you approached me to talk about how to make that work for you. Many of you have worked to make this place one that is comfortable and inspiring for to worship, for instance purchasing new microphones or making artwork that has enhanced the worship space. Some of you have started sitting somewhere besides your usual spot during worship or coffee hour, in order to meet new people and build new relationships. You’ve stretched and challenged yourself to be on council or on committees here to learn more about each other and yourself and your church. Some of you have invited your friends and neighbors and family members to attend church. Some of you have reached out to someone you know was having a similar difficulty that you’ve faced before, for instance reaching out to someone who has an adult child with a mental illness or who is facing addiction.

You’re already doing this love work that Jesus invites us to do. You’re already reaping the rewards, feeling that satisfaction when you’ve made a real connection. I’d encourage you to keep up that good work until God’s love is obvious to all around us and we truly experience God with us.