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Thursday, February 28, 2019

Making friends

We are here in Tacoma almost a month.  Two weeks of that we were snowed in, but thankfully the last two weeks have been better.  We did make the most of the snow days and connected twice with acquaintances we met in Portland that moved to Tacoma a year ago.  The woman gave us lots of insights about Tacoma and was just fun to visit with.  Her son is a year older than Sterling and the boys got along well.

All three of us went and cleaned our Portland home a week ago Saturday.  We didn't get a lot done, but we saw how much there was to do.  We met with a potential property manager who gave us a lot of information that helped us to picture being able to rent our house.

Over the last week, I met the sister of a local pastor, and we struck up a friendship.  She is also a pastor and was serving a congregation she loved.  That call ended mid-January and they moved the day after we did.  She and I have a lot in common--sore muscles and hands from moving, grieving our congregations, feeling a little adrift.  She got me out for a nice walk along the waterfront on a sunny day and has showed me around Tacoma a little bit.  That has been very helpful.  She's from the area, so she has a good support network, but she's taken me under her wing, which I appreciate.

After getting a picture of what was going on with the house, I made a plan to go back last weekend and spend 2 nights and knock out as much of it as I could.  I invited some friends to come help.  Sterling ended up going with his grandparents overnight on Saturday and they even helped clean and took a load to the dump.  It was amazing what all we got accomplished.  Long story short, as soon as the handyman finishes installing the back door, it is ready to rent.  That is a huge weight lifted!

This week I sat down and input all my receipts for our taxes.  I am waiting until we plug in the printer to be able to finish them.  Remember when you had to go get your tax forms from the post office?  I felt a sense of accomplishment even locating our W-2s and the receipts.  I am feeling better about how I am spending my time.  I am trying to set a bit of a schedule and accomplish little things each day.

This week I had one interview and next week I have another.  That is helping me focus and stay hopeful.  I have an appointment for coffee today with a local pastor and a meeting tomorrow at a church I get to preach at on Ash Wednesday.  I also have another pulpit supply gig set up for April.  I got out the box that has my robe and stoles.  I haven't opened it yet. 

Finally, my neighbor from Portland and her daughter are coming to stay tomorrow night.  She's bringing her cot, since we don't have a bed for the guest room yet.  I'm looking forward to showing her around and having a nice visit.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Settling in

A lot is going well after our move.  Sterling loves his new school and almost every day says it is the best day ever.  His teacher says he is a delight to have in class and he is testing very high, especially in reading.  We've been to the library several times and he's been reading every day.  He has been treating me better and we've had a lot of time to do crafts together, including sewing a pair of Miraculous Ladybug pants.  They are almost complete.

Thankfully it didn't snow while we were moving, however we were here about 3 days when it started snowing and we were stuck for almost 2 weeks.  We couldn't go much of anywhere or meet new people, or explore Tacoma.  We did make it to the gym a few times and Nick and I got the cars registered.  We got together with someone we knew from Portland who moved to Tacoma a year ago--a woman and her son who is a year older than Sterling.  That was a bright spot. 

I have been very anxious and homesick.  I applied for jobs from the computer.  I deleted my church contacts from Facebook and my phone.  I felt trapped in the house.  We had planned to go back and clean our Portland house during this time, but we couldn't get out.  I've been feeling miserable.  I've been grieving my congregation and Portland.

Sunday I was able to get to church.  Sterling wanted to go back to the one we tried first, but I talked him out of it.  We found a small congregation and attended there.  We were greeted immediately and warmly and invited into conversation.  Someone sat with us and interacted with us.  They had a guest organist and there were hiccups, but it was fine.  And ever since I've had the Glory to God in my head.  So I have my dark cloud of unhappiness, but I have this other song playing against it.  It is a strange and good combination, reminding me of God's goodness and the bigger picture while I feel sorry for myself.

Then I went to text study yesterday, and that really lifted my spirits.  It was nice to be with colleagues and people who understand what it means to serve a congregation and leave a congregation and be in a new place and trying to follow where God leads.  Then another colleague invited me to coffee.  She just left a call mid-January.  She also loved her congregation and is grieving heavily.  She moved to Tacoma the day after we did and can't get back to her house because of snow there.  I felt a lot better after all that.

Also, we did finally get to Portland to clean.  We didn't get a lot done, but it meant a lot that Nick came too and didn't just send me to do it all.  Also we met with a property manager that gave us hope that our place would rent and we wouldn't have to do much to it to get it ready.  We could see what all has to be done and I am going back this weekend and will spend the night and invite as many friends as possible to come help out and hopefully knock out a whole bunch of it.  So we have a plan.

Also, the Assistant to the Bishop is hopeful we can find a church for me soon.  I have one profile in my in-box and another on the way, with a third available if one of the first two doesn't work out.  I see a little light coming through the cracks.

Monday, February 11, 2019

First Sunday in Tacoma

I did my research.  Listed every ELCA church in Tacoma, average weekly attendance, address, service time, whether they were Reconciling in Christ, and gender of the pastor.  I picked one that had a band, since that interested Sterling. 

No one talked to us.  I got eye contact when the usher gave us the bulletin and "God's peace" during the sharing of the peace.  Otherwise nothing.  A woman and a child visiting, dressed fine, alert and participating. 

We went to coffee hour.  I sat down and turned to another woman at the table and asked a question about something in the bulletin.  She was a visitor, too.  We had a nice visit.

I don't need to be smothered when I visit a church, but I underestimated how disturbing it would be not to be acknowledged really or treated as worthy of a conversation or even a polite greeting.  It was frustrating and I feel sad and angry about it.  We are new, in need of connection.  We have so much to give.  But even if we didn't, we are human.  We came for community.  It was not offered to us.

This Sunday it snowed, so we didn't get a chance to find another place to visit. 

I have signed up with unfriendly church to attend Interfaith Advocacy Day.  I really don't want to go by myself.  Maybe I'll find they warm up on subsequent visits or in small groups.  Everybody deserves a second chance. 

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Moving and saying goodbye

Over the past two months I have been saying goodbye to my congregation.  My husband had been making great efforts to land a job that he could explore his passions in an organization with staff who loved film and worked together as a team.

As he began to interview, I started therapy.  I wanted to prepare myself in case big changes were afoot. I had been overwhelmed by a string of deaths of beloved members of my congregation, as well as my grandmother and niece a year and a half ago.  So I got to feel my grief and listen to my emotions which were pretty much yelling at me to pay attention. 

So I said goodbye.  I am glad I took two months to do it.  There was so much to say and do.  I have a lot of love and memories with my parishioners.  Then the last two weeks the goodbyes intensified as we celebrated together with gifts and stories and then had our last annual meeting together.

We came up to the area the week between Christmas and New Years.  We looked at 6 places, 1 in Seattle and 5 in Tacoma.  Our eyes were opened to the housing market.  There were no houses in our price range that we could fit into anywhere north of Tacoma, that we could find.  Thankfully the house we all agreed on had no applications on it and after a lot of panic trying to get our rental history and paperwork together to apply, we were finally accepted.  One hope that I had was that we could spread out a little bit and have a larger space.  We got that and even have room for me to have a sewing area and for guests to stay with us.

Moving out was hectic.  We took one load up mid-January when we got the keys.  We brought all the heavy furniture and wore ourselves completely out getting them up the stairs and in.  During the following week I interviewed for a job up here, so I made the trip two more times.  Once, Nick and Sterling came, too, and we spent the night in our new house.  We were able to leave one of the cars in Tacoma.  The second time, I was up and back in one day.  But that was one day I wasn't packing or cleaning.  The job ended up not being for me.  It was frustrating because the board was split over whether to hire me and it seemed to come down to their lack of trust that I would be committed, because it would have been a long commute from Tacoma.  I felt like they were trying to parent me.  I also felt like they wanted too much from the person filling the position and didn't care very much about that person having much of a life.  They saw the job being 50 hours a week and there were no benefits.  So I am frustrated and relieved at the same time.

I finished work on the 27th, and packed up my office on the 28th.  We spent the next two days packing and cleaning the house.  Friends came and helped us, thankfully, or we'd have never got as much done as we did.

We packed the truck.  Loaded up boxes from the basement.  We ran out of time to do the deep cleaning.  We drove up here.  When we got to Tacoma, Sterling shouted excitedly, "They have Target, here!"  Through this all, he has been excited and ready for an adventure.  I'm trying to be more like him.